"Let's Talk About It" Modules
Introduction
In the fall of 2024, Melissa Saunders, MS, MED, PPSC, a district counselor and LGBTQ Liaison, noticed a pattern of student concerns that students were mentioning to her, including difficult issues such anti-immigrant bias, body shaming, hate speech, and racism. In response, she developed a set of modules called "Let's Talk About It" that provide guides on how to talk to students in grades K-12 about difficult topics. Ms. Saunders created one set for teachers and another set for families.
In the spring of 2025, AUSD will highlight one module, or theme, each month for families and provide a family forum on the topic. Teachers will also be reminded that a module on the same theme is available for them.
Let's Talk About It: Ways to Start Talking
Introduction
Talking to children about tough topics is essential because it helps them feel supported, builds trust, and ensures they receive accurate and age-appropriate information. Children are naturally curious, and when parents provide a safe space for open discussions, it encourages critical thinking and emotional growth. Ignoring or avoiding difficult subjects can lead to misunderstandings or reliance on less reliable sources, which may confuse or misguide them.
It’s natural for parents to feel discomfort or awkwardness when addressing sensitive issues. To handle these feelings, remember:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that it's okay to feel uneasy. This shows you care about getting it right.
Prepare Ahead: Think about what you want to say and how to phrase it in a way that aligns with your child’s age and maturity level.
Be Honest: It's okay to admit if you don’t have all the answers. This models humility and a willingness to learn together.
Stay Calm and Open: Focus on listening as much as talking. A calm, nonjudgmental tone fosters trust and keeps the conversation productive.
Your willingness to engage in these conversations teaches your child that it's okay to discuss uncomfortable topics, paving the way for a lifelong habit of open communication.
How to Get Conversations Started
Try one of these conversation starters when they feel relevant and age-appropriate for you and your child.
If Your Child is in Preschool or Kindergarten:
- “That’s an important question. I would like to talk about this tonight at home when we have lots of time.” (Be sure to follow up.)
- “It looks like you are thinking hard about that TV show (website, commercial, etc.) that we just heard/saw.”
- “That’s a really good question. I’m glad that you asked me about this.”
- “What else have you learned? Who else has talked to you about this?”
- “I was just wondering about that too.”
- “I feel sad that Beth cried because (his friend called him mean names) OR (because you called him mean names). How do you feel about it?”
- “What do you know about ________________?”
- “I got this book from the library and I want to read it together.” (Ask school or local library for ideas.)
If Your Child is in Elementary School:
- “What do you/your friends think about______________?”
- “What do you think about_________________?”
- “Does anyone make you feel uncomfortable?”
- “How do you feel when___________________________?”
- “What would you do if____________________________?”
- “How do you decide when to keep a secret or when you should talk to an adult?”
- “Who are your role models?”
- “What’s your favorite song/movie/TV show? Why?”
- “Have you heard about ___________?” (Use current events.)
- “What was your favorite part of the day?”
- “What was your least favorite part of the day?”
If Your Child is in Middle School
- “What do you think about___________________?”
- “How do you think __________felt?” (Reinforce empathy.)
- “It must be difficult or hard to __________________.”
- “It’s sometimes harder to be a kid, especially when ______.”
- “I noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with ______. What do you like about him/her?”
- “It’s not easy to talk about some of this stuff, is it? It might be a little uncomfortable, but it’s important you have a safe place to ask questions. I’m here for you.”
- “I heard you mention ________. I’m interested to know what you have heard about that.”
- “What did you think when you read that book/watched that TV show/heard that song?”
- “Things have been so busy lately! I’d love to set aside time and hear about what’s going on with you.
If Your Child is in High School
- “I read/heard an interesting article/story about_______. What do you think?”
- “What’s the easiest/hardest thing about being you right now?”
- “I have several thoughts on that, but I’d like to know what you think first.”
- “I saw that you have pictures of your friends on your phone (on Facebook, online, etc). I love you and want you to know________.”
- “My job as a parent/guardian is to help you grow up healthy and safe and__________ behavior is unhealthy and unsafe.” That’s why I have a problem with it/am concerned about it.”
- “What do you think about how that character was portrayed in the movie we watched?”
- “I worry about_____________________________.”
- “Does this kind of thing happen at your school?”
If you feel stuck
When your child asks a question that feels hard to answer or you're unsure how to respond, it’s important to acknowledge their curiosity while giving yourself space to process or research. Here are specific strategies and examples:
- Acknowledge the Question: Let your child know their question is valid and important.
- Example:
- Child: "Why do some people die young?"
- Parent: "That's such an important question. It shows you're really thinking deeply. Let’s talk about it together."
- Example:
- Buy Yourself Time: If you need to gather your thoughts or information, it’s okay to take a moment or revisit the conversation later.
- Example:
- Child: "What’s war, and why do people fight in wars?"
- Parent: "Wow, that’s a big topic, and I want to explain it in a way that makes sense. Can we talk about it tonight after I’ve had time to think?”
- Example:
- Keep It Simple and Age-Appropriate: Answer in a way that matches their age and maturity, focusing on the basics first.
- Example:
- Child: "Where do babies come from?"
- Parent (to a young child): "Babies grow inside a special part of the mom’s body called the uterus, and when they’re ready, they come out into the world."
- Parent (to an older child): "Babies are made when a sperm and an egg come together, and the baby grows in the uterus."
- Example:
- Admit When You Don’t Know: It’s okay to not have all the answers. Use it as a learning opportunity.
- Example:
- Child: "Why does climate change happen?"
- Parent: "That’s a great question, and I don’t know everything about it. Let’s look it up together and figure it out."
- Example:
- Stay Calm and Reassuring: Even if the topic is emotional or difficult, focus on making your child feel safe.
- Example:
- Child: "What happens after we die?"
- Parent: "Different people believe different things, and it’s okay to wonder about that. What do you think? We can talk about what I believe, too."
- Example:
- Use Resources to Help: Books, videos, or trusted websites can help explain tough topics.
- Example:
- Child: "Why do people treat others differently because of their skin color?"
- Parent: "That’s about something called racism, which isn’t fair or right. Let’s read this book together to understand it better."
- Example:
- Keep the Conversation Open: Let your child know it’s okay to revisit the topic as they think more about it.
- Example:
- Child: "Why did Grandma get sick and not get better?"
- Parent: "Sometimes people’s bodies stop working because of illnesses. It’s really hard to understand, but we can talk more about it whenever you want."
- Example:
By staying calm, honest, and open to learning together, you show your child that tough topics are safe to discuss and that you’re there to support them no matter what.
Let's Talk About It: Immigrants, Immigration, and Anti-Immigrant Bias
Introduction
Talking to children about immigrants, immigration, and anti-immigrant bias is important for fostering empathy, understanding, and critical thinking. Here's why:
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Promotes Inclusion and Acceptance: Children who understand the diversity of experiences and contributions of immigrants are more likely to develop inclusive attitudes and appreciate cultural differences.
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Combats Stereotypes and Prejudice: Early discussions can help counter negative stereotypes and misinformation about immigrants, reducing the likelihood of biased attitudes or behaviors.
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Builds Empathy and Compassion: Learning about the challenges and resilience of immigrants helps children empathize with others and recognize shared humanity, fostering kindness and solidarity.
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Prepares for a Diverse World: In an increasingly interconnected and multicultural world, understanding immigration helps children navigate diverse social and professional environments with respect.
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Encourages Advocacy for Justice: Conversations about anti-immigrant bias teach children to recognize injustice and stand up for fairness and equality, empowering them to be advocates for positive change.
These discussions should be age-appropriate, open, and grounded in facts, encouraging curiosity and compassion.
Grades K-2
Process:
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Review the talking points ahead of time.
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Watch the video together.
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Allow each person to share their reactions.
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Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
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Can you think of reasons why people might move to a new country?
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How do you think it feels to leave your home and move somewhere new?
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How do you think you would feel if you moved to a new place where you didn’t know anyone?
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How can you be a good friend to someone who is new and might be feeling homesick or lonely?
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If someone at school just moved from another country, what are some ways you could make them feel included?
Grades 3-5
Process:
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Review the talking points ahead of time.
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Watch the video together.
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Allow each person to share their reactions.
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Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
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Why do you think people choose to leave their home countries to live somewhere else?
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How do you think it feels to be in a place where you don’t speak the language or know the culture?
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How would you feel if you had to leave your home, friends, and school to move to a completely new country?
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What can you do to make an immigrant classmate feel more included at school?
Grades 6-8
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- Why do you think people decide to move from one country to another?
- How would you feel if you had to leave your home, friends, and school to live in a new country?
- Why do you think people have different opinions about immigration?
- What are some things that might make it easier or harder for immigrants to adjust to their new country?
- What does it mean to be open-minded about people who are different from us?
Grades 9-12
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- What do you think are some common reasons people immigrate to another country?
- How might those reasons differ for people who are fleeing dangerous situations versus those who are seeking better opportunities?
- Have you ever moved to a new place or experienced being the “new person”? How did it feel?
- What do you think causes anti-immigrant bias? How do fear, misinformation, or stereotypes play a role in shaping these biases?
- How can you be an ally to immigrants in your community or school?
Video: My Family Fled the Venezuela Crisis Because it was Unsafe
Let's Talk About It: Body Diversity and Body Shaming
Introduction
Talking to children about body diversity and body shaming is essential for fostering self-acceptance, respect for others, and resilience against societal pressures. Here's why:
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Promotes Self-Acceptance: Teaching children to appreciate different body types helps them develop a positive body image and value themselves for who they are, rather than how they look.
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Encourages Respect for Others: Understanding that bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and abilities fosters empathy and discourages teasing or judgment based on appearance.
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Combats Harmful Stereotypes: Conversations about body diversity challenge unrealistic beauty standards and stereotypes, reducing the influence of harmful media portrayals.
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Prevents Body Shaming: Addressing body shaming early helps children recognize it as harmful behavior and equips them to stand up against it, whether directed at themselves or others.
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Supports Mental Health: Promoting a culture of body positivity reduces the risk of low self-esteem, anxiety, and eating disorders in children.
By normalizing conversations about body diversity and addressing body shaming, we help children build a foundation of kindness, confidence, and respect that benefits them and those around them.
Grades 2-5
Process:
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Review the talking points ahead of time.
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Watch the video together.
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Allow each person to share their reactions.
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Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
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Did you know that everyone’s body is different? What are some ways people’s bodies can be different from each other?
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How do you think it feels when someone is teased about their body?
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How can we use kind words to talk about our own bodies and other people’s bodies?
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Have you ever seen someone do something cool or different, like using a wheelchair to move around or using sign language to communicate?
Grades 3-5
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- Why is it important to recognize and celebrate that people come in all shapes, sizes, and abilities?
- How does it feel when someone says something negative about another person’s body?
- How would you feel if someone made a hurtful comment about your body or your appearance?
- Why is it important to respect people for who they are and not just focus on how they look?
Video: "Every Body," by Megan Madison (children's book)
Grades 6-8
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- What does “body diversity” mean to you?
- What do you think body shaming is, and why do people engage in it?
- Why do you think it’s important to stand up against body shaming, even if it seems like a “harmless” comment or joke?
- How can we help people feel good about their bodies, even if they don’t fit society’s “ideal” image?
- How can we remind ourselves that what we see online isn’t always real or achievable?
Video: Reverse Selfie: Social Media's Impact on Girls' Self-Esteem
Grades 9-12
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- What does body shaming look like, and why do people engage in it? How do you think body shaming affects someone’s self-esteem and mental health?
- What are some ways you can support a friend or peer who has experienced body shaming or harassment?
- How do you think social media and peer pressure contribute to body shaming?
- How do societal beauty standards and the media affect the way we view our own bodies?
- Why is it important to set boundaries with people who make negative comments about your body or appearance?
Let's Talk About It: Stereotypes and Bias
Introduction
Talking to children about stereotypes and bias is important because it helps them develop critical thinking, empathy, and respect for others. Early conversations about these topics empower children to:
- Recognize Injustice: They learn to identify unfair assumptions and how they harm individuals or groups.
- Challenge Stereotypes: Understanding bias helps children question and reject stereotypes rather than accepting them as truth.
- Build Empathy: By exploring diverse perspectives, children become more compassionate and open-minded.
- Prevent Prejudice: Early awareness reduces the likelihood of forming biases that lead to discrimination
- Promote Inclusion: These conversations teach children to value diversity and treat everyone with fairness and respect.
Grades K-2
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- What does it mean to be fair to everyone, even if they are different from us?
- Why do you think some people believe things about others that aren’t true?
- Why do you think it’s important to respect people who are different from us?
- How can we celebrate the things that make people different, like their culture, family, or talents?
- What are some things we can say or do to make sure everyone feels included and accepted?
Grades 3-5
Process:
- Review the talking points ahead of time.
- Watch the video together.
- Allow each person to share their reactions.
- Use the guiding questions to have a discussion, making sure to incorporate the talking points where appropriate.
Guiding Questions:
- Can you think of a time when you or someone you know made a quick judgment about someone?
- What is a stereotype, and how do you think stereotypes start?
- Why do you think it’s important to get to know people as individuals rather than making assumptions based on stereotypes?
- Why is it important to speak up when you see or hear something that reinforces a stereotype?
- How does understanding the experiences of others make us better friends, classmates, or community members?
Grades 6-8
Grades 9-12
Contact
Melissa Saunders, MS, MED, PPSC
msaunders@alamedaunified.org
When you get a chance to talk, consider:
1. Have you reminded them you care about them (a lot)?
2. Have you assessed their understanding?
3. Have you asked about their feelings?
4. Have you been honest and curious?
5. Have you kept your emotions in check?
